I'm Still Here
by NalaStormhunter
Summary: A songfic around the song from Treasure Planet. Please R&R. My first FFX fanfic


I'm Still Here  
  
Final Fantasy Ten belongs to Squaresoft, and "I'm still here" belongs to Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls. Please R&R!  
  
I saw the boy again, and this time, knew that he was a Fayth. As I looked around, I realized I was in my old apartment...in Zanarkand?!! "Where...where are we?" I asked.  
  
"Don't you recognize your own home?" The Fayth said.  
  
"I-huh? Then I'm back in Zanarkand?" I shook my head. "I'm confused. How can I be back in Zanarkand if it was destroyed a thousand years ago by Sin?!"  
  
"This is a dream. The dream of the Fayth. We wanted to preserve the memory of Zanarkand as hope that Sin could be defeated." The Fayth paused.  
  
I suddenly understood. I finally understood why I had been able to see my mother in the Farplanes, even though she hadn't been sent. Why me and my old man had been able to come to a land a thousand years in the future where Zanarkand was just a bunch of holy Ruins. "I'm a...a dream, aren't I?" I asked quietly.  
  
The Fayth nodded. "We're tired. We want the dream to end."  
  
"I understand. You've been dreaming a long time. How can I help?"  
  
"Destroy Sin once and for all."  
  
I am a question to the world,  
  
Not an answer to be heard.  
  
All a moment that's held in your arms.  
  
And what do you think you'd ever say?  
  
I don't listen anyway.  
  
You ignore me,  
  
And I'll never be what you want me to be.  
  
"Tidus!"  
  
I opened my eyes to find my friends staring down at me, concern and worry etched in their faces. I smiled. "Sorry guys, guess I shouldn't have skipped out on breakfast this morning." I joked as I stood up, with the help of Wakka and Kimarhi.  
  
Yuna nodded, but did not seem convinced. "Are you sure you're alright, Tidus?"  
  
I nodded, but found I could no longer meet her eyes. How long ago was it since we had made love in that pool in Macalenia Woods? How long ago when we knew that we were gonna spend our lives together, forever in love? I couldn't, not anymore. I wasn't even real. I wondered if I had ever existed at all. If once, long ago, in the real Zanarkand, there had once been a boy named Tidus.  
  
I knew I could never be what Yuna wanted, or needed. So when she reached out to hold me, I backed away. Better to let her think I've lost interest. Better than telling the truth that I myself Don't even understand. I thought as I followed Auron down the path to the ruins of Zanarkand.  
  
And what do you think you'd understand?  
  
I'm a boy, no I'm a man.  
  
You can take me and throw me away.  
  
And how can you learn what's never shown?  
  
Yeah, you stand here all alone.  
  
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.  
  
We reached, and waited to talk to Maester Mika, and perhaps to even to have Yuna send him to the farplanes. My mind kept wandering down to the meeting with the Fayth. He had looked at me, and asked me if I knew what it would mean if I went through with their plan. I had tried lying to Yuna, to pass it off as nothing more than me going home and never seeing her again. In reality, it wasn't too far from the truth. I would never see her again if I disappeared with the rest of the dream.  
  
She knew something was up. "You're hiding something from me. I can tell." She shook her head. "Why can't you tell me?"  
  
I looked at her. She wouldn't understand. I wasn't sure I understood myself. If I were nothing more than a dream, how was I able to interact with the people as though I were real? It didn't make sense to me, somehow. "I...I can't, Yuna. I'm not sure I understand what's going on myself, so how I can I expect you to understand?"  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
The don't know me,  
  
'Cause I'm not here.  
  
Mika had a royal flip when he heard what we had done. "You've destroyed hope itself, you fool child! You've destroyed a tradition a thousand years old, within a mere matter of hours. How could you?!" He put his hands to his head. "You doomed us all, child." As if he couldn't bear to stay here in the land doomed to be destroyed by Sin, he vanished in a wave of Pyreflies. The unsent finally joining those on the farplane.  
  
I stared at the spot where the old man had once stood. Is that what'll happen to me when we defeat Sin? Just vanish in a poof of pyreflies, no trace of me left at all? I stared at my traveling companions. Upbeat and innocent Rikku, Cheerful and big brother type, Wakka, the quiet yet kind mage, Lulu, the Warrior Kimarhi, and of course, the beautiful and once Naive summoner, Yuna. All of them more real than I ever could be. The only one who could possilbly know how I felt was Auron, because he was an Unsent, but only marginally. After all, he had lived once, and for all I knew, I hadn't lived at all. Rather, I could be just the epitome of Blitzball that some Fayth thought up. I'm not here. Not really. I never have been.  
  
And you see the things they never see  
  
All you wanted, I could be  
  
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid  
  
And I wanna tell you who I am  
  
Can you help me be a man?  
  
They can break me  
  
As long as I know who I am  
  
I told Yuna on our flight to Sin the truth. I couldn't keep it from her anymore, and I couldn't push her away like I wanted to. Real or make- believe, it didn't matter, I still loved her. "Yuna, I'm not real. I'm a dream of the Fayth. They've been dreaming of Zanarkand since it was destroyed a thousand years ago." I began when I had gotten her alone. "They're tired Yuna. They want to stop dreaming, but as long as Sin keeps returning, they can't. That's why they want you to beat Sin once and for all. Once Sin is gone for good, they can finally be at peace."  
  
"And once Sin is gone, and they stop dreaming, what then? What happens to you?" she asked, although I could see in her eyes she already knew the truth. She only needed to hear me confirm it.  
  
"Yuna, I'll go away, just like the dream. I won't...I won't exist anymore."  
  
She took a few steps back away from me, then started to run to the cockpit. I chased after her. "Yuna! Where are you going?" I called.  
  
"I'm going to tell Cid to turn us around, to go to some far corner of Spira, where Sin can't find us!" She cried. i could here the desperation in her voice as she raced through the airship. "I will not lose you! You said so yourself. no one needs to be sacrificed to defeat Sin."  
  
"Yuna!" I jumped in front of her, blocking her path. "Yuna, listen to what you're saying. You'd give up, and let Sin destroy the people of Spira just so you and I can be together? You'd let your land die for a...a dream?"  
  
"I don't want to lose you! I don't want you to die!"  
  
I took her gently by the shoulders, ignoring the confusion and irony of the dream comforting the reality. "Yuna, you can't lose me. I was never yours to lose. I can't die either. I just, cease existing I guess. A dream can't die, even when the Fayth stop dreaming. I'll always be with you. Remember Macalenia Woods?" She nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes. I smiled, that's my Yuna, always trying to be brave. "I told you then that no matter what, I wouldn't let you die, because I loved you. Well, I've also come to love Spira, and while I still don't agree with that old tradition, I can understand why all the Summoners did that. They loved Spira so much, that they were will to die to bring it peace, even for a little bit. It's why I can agree to this. It's not easy, knowing that once we bring the Final Calm, I'll never get to enjoy it with you, but your people have suffered for a thousand years. It's time for it to end. NOW!"  
  
"How...how can I help you?"  
  
"Be with me. Make love to me one more time." I bent down and kissed her. It would be the last kiss I ever gave her, and I knew it, so I made it count.  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
They can't see me,  
  
But I'm still here.  
  
We found an empty cabin, and we fought to hold on to the moment. It wasn't the same as when we made love underwater in Macalenia Woods, but it was better, somehow. Maybe because it was the last time I would be able to hold her, and love her. I knew when we reached Sin, we wouldn't stop fighting until it was destroyed. And once Sin, and Yu Yevon, were gone, then I would disappear.  
  
As we lay there, intertwined in each other's arms, I realized how much I was giving up, and why it was worth it. I couldn't let the beautiful creature go on in a world full of dispair and pain, not if my "death" could end it all. She looked up at me. "What are you thinking, Tidus?"  
  
I smiled at her. "I was thinking how beautiful you are. And that wherever I go after this, I want you to know that I will always remember you like this, wrapped up in my arms. The calm before the storm."  
  
She smiled back at me. "I'll never forget you Tidus. I just wish...you kept telling me there was a way that we could go on, without my life being forfeit. Why can't be the same way with you? Why does your life have to be forfeit?"  
  
I sighed. "Yuna, we've covered this. I'm not real. I'm not really alive. Therefore, my life isn't forfeit."  
  
"But you're still here. At least for right now, you're more than a dream, Tidus. You're still here."  
  
She had a point. "Yeah, I'm still here." I still didn't get it either, but at least for me, it was easier to believe I wasn't real. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too. I always have, my guardian."  
  
They can't tell me who to be,  
  
'Cause I'm not what they see.  
  
And the world is still sleepin',  
  
While I keep on dreamin' for me.  
  
And they'll want to just whispers,  
  
And lies that I'll never believe.  
  
My old man was dead now, for good. The Aeons had been destroyed forever. There was only one last fight to win, and that was the battle with Yu Yevon. It was now time for everyone to know the truth. "Everybody, listen up! When we defeat Yu Yevon, I...I'm gonna disappear. The Fayth won't have to dream anymore, and once they stop dreaming, I stop existing." I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that it's been an honor to guard Yuna by your side. I love you all, and please, never forget me."  
  
Rikku, young little Al-Bhed girl who saved my life when I first arrived, turned towards me, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Tiddie, no! We didn't let Yuna die, why must we let you? Why...why can't the Fayth keep dreaming you?!"  
  
I shook my head. What was it with the both of them? "Rikku, the Fayth...they're tired, kid, and ready to rest in peace. They can't do that if they're still dreaming of me. Just promise me, Rikku...and everyone...promise me that you won't forget me?"  
  
One by one they nodded, although I know Rikku still wanted to find another way. Well, maybe there was one, but I couldn't find it now. It was too late. "C'mon everybody, let's end this once and for all!" I ran headlong into the fight.  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
I'm the one now,  
  
'Cause I'm still here.  
  
It was over. Sin, and Yu Yevon, were no more. Yuna had sent Auron, he was with Braska and probably my old man now. It was only a matter of time before I was gone too, and I knew. The Fayth...they were giving me a final chance to say good-bye. I put my arms around Yuna, and held her, as we stared off into the rising sun. "Remember, I'll always love you." I whispered as I felt myself go right through her. I was transparent now, and new that time was almost up.  
  
I turned around, and waved, then I was gone. I was racing through the darkness, past Braska, past Auron, right to my old man. We gave each other a high five. At last, it was finally over.  
  
I'm the one,  
  
'Cause I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here.  
  
A voice from the past drifted through the darkness. I'm still dreaming of you, Tidus.  
  
In the Darkness, light began to glow, and finally, the Dream awoke.  
  
Fin 


End file.
